Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
