We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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