Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
