Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
