She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
