Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
