Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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