she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
