hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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