lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
