i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
