I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
