What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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