we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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