Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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