There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
