Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
