Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
