Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
