you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
