Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do vagina's smell?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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