Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
