I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So drunk its hurt
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
