i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
