I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
