you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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