My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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