i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
