i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
