I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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