My first STD was from a foam party
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
