i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
