My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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