I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
