Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
