I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
