The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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