Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
