shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
