dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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