I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
