and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
babies were throwing up all over the place
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
