dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
