I want to make a zoo with you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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