OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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