It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
