Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
