I wish my penis had an off switch
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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