Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
