All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
