i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
